Porn is love you can see.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
