Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
