dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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