I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
