so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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