I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
