I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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