I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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