just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
