So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
