did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
"it" just moved
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
