Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
