Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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