My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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