You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
