cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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