i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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