i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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