wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
