You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
