very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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