he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
