Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
