yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
