Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
