Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
