Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
