Can i not drive my cunt home
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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