I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My feet surprised me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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