I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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