thus making me awesome and them whores
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
