i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
