You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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