i think my tv is drunk
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
