Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
