Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Threesome in a minivan. New low
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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