I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
