Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
