Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
