Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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