ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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