I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
