i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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