Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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