hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
