I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
