I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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