Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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