I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize