I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
