Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize