Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
