some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
