why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
