You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
