My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
