I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
