I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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