For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
