remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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