you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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