are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
