At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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