Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This baby is an asshole
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
