There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
