I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
