After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
