haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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