we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
